by Sheba Arifullah
I’ve been single all my life. So when it comes to an expert at being single, and living the single life, look no further than yours truly! I think the longest relationship I’ve had has been with some of my best friends. Which I’m okay with, and it is also the why #foreveralone doesn’t work for me, because I’m never alone. Though when I am alone, I am perfectly fine with sitting at home alone with a good book, singing, writing, drawing, or just binge watching on Netflix!
However, most people in my community don’t seem to think it’s normal, or natural for a girl (okay, I’m not really a girl any more but whatever) to be single in her 30's. In fact, they immediately assume that you are unhappy, which couldn’t be farther from the truth!
“Why don’t you get married?”
“Why don’t you find anyone? You know so many people?”
“Aren’t you looking?”
“What about that guy?” (this is pretty much directed to any breathing male)
I know, they don’t mean anything by these queries. I also know most people aren’t trying to be mean, but it still leaves me feeling as though I am being judged for not having made marriage a priority. No, I don’t hate these people, nor am I opposed to marriage, it’s just that my path hasn’t led there yet.
Anyway, the point of this article isn’t to vent about people asking about why I’m unmarried (that is a tale for another day), it is to gently remind people that
being single in your thirties isn’t so bad.
I’m not the first person to do it, and I will definitely not be the last, but I figure I’ll share my story with you, in an attempt to inspire you to do what you want with your life and time, until you meet the person you would like to spend the rest of your life with, whenever that time may be.
I’m a geek. I love movies, animation, comics, books, fantasy, sci-fi, and whatever else is kind of geeky. Now, geekiness can exist in various degrees for a variety of things.
I’m a Disney-Lord of the Rings-Harry Potter-Comic book-Animation-Music-Artsy-Movie-pop culture kind of geek.
I know a lot about these things, and when I meet people who share any of these interests, I will geek out with them, and we will become best friends (insert scene from Stepbrothers). Now this makes it super easy to meet new people, but not so easy when meeting Muslim men. It’s not that they don’t exist, it’s just that
for some reason, guys want to befriend me, but I’m not marriage material.
Maybe it’s all the references; they can’t keep up? I’ve actually never asked. I guess geekiness is not a top quality when looking for a future wife. I mentioned this to someone once, and they said that they thought most guys would be impressed. I thought so too, until I realized how passionate I can get about certain things (Tauriel…grrr!) In any case, that’s me.
I’m not (and can’t) stop my geekiness. In fact, I think it’s become stronger the older I get.
I believe this is due to the fact that I have learned to embrace it. Those who care about me seem to like my geekiness, so I refuse to change. Besides, I’ve had so much fun being geeky, and made some amazing friends, that I’m not sorry!
I’m also a talker. I talk a lot, to whomever will listen. Don’t get me wrong, I listen too, but I like having interesting and in-depth discussions. It literally takes me hours to leave a house because I will just keep conversing. I have become the desi stereotype! I suppose guys may find it annoying, or maybe I have been brainwashed by Disney’s The Little Mermaid!
Alhamdulillah, I cannot complain, because of my personality, hobbies, and volunteer work, I am constantly meeting new people. True, I have yet to find my future husband, but it is because things just haven’t worked out. Either I am not interested, or the guy is not. I’m not upset, because that’s life; these things happen! It is only a matter of time before it all works out. In the meantime, I have plenty to keep me preoccupied. So my advice to anyone in a similar situation is: don’t worry!
Things will be fine, just enjoy life, and continue doing what you love; you’ll be glad you did!
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